Monday, 12 April 2010

I Will Always Hate You

I'm often caught in a maelstrom of indecision when I attempt to conclude what the most irritating thing in the world is.  Is it:
  • People who touch type and won't look at the keyboard no matter how many mistakes they are making and achieving 4 words per minute?
  • Atheists, because they tend to shove their smug, self-satisfied, tedious-beyond-belief opinions down your throat more than Adolf Hitler and Tomas de Torquemada combined?
  • People who insist they can sing and insist on singing 'I will always love you'.  A song written by the delightful Dolly Parton and butchered by wailing alleged-smackhead Whitney Houston?
Thanks to brilliant little Taiwanese kid, Lin Yu Chun, I have been able to erase the 3rd item from my list.

Unfortunately for the poor little blighter, and for some reason I don't understand, he is being called 'The Taiwanese Susan Boyle'

Why is that?

Susan 'are you fucking kidding me?' Boyle is the product of a cynical money-machine who managed to score on the 'we don't care how ugly she is' ripple of 'we love the underdog' meme riding the waves of popularity at the moment.

Chun is just some sweet oriental kid with a goofy haircut.

I'm a bit disappointed that he's ruined my IWALY hatred though.  

Err, no thanks

You know it's gonna be great when you see some cretinous oik get up on to the X and announce that they're going to do 'I will always love you' by Whitney Houston cos they're gonna be bigger than her one day.

You know who I mean, the slightly overweight ones, with lop-sided acne covered faces and thick glasses, who bring their entire family, who are absolutely CONVINCED that their little sunshine will make it to the top of the charts after having practised their hearts out for at least three weeks before the tryouts.

The ones who think they are awesome at karaoke and believe that drunk guy they've just met who's told them they've got a kick-ass voice and they should be on American Idol now how bout we go back to my place.

Returning to my original topic, I've decided I'm going to replace the Shitney Pooston (I'm so awesomely grown-up) irritant with:
  • People who don't understand irony and somehow think that my blog posts are news stories or serious editorialising.  


  1. You just need to put up a warning sign. Or, be like Jon Stewart. Survey showed he's the most trusted man in the US. (I hope your #4 is not People who quote random survey results) Sometimes ppl would accuse him of not covering news in depth or from all sides, his response? I am a COMEDIAN!

  2. That's a great idea.

    I've just watched Jon Stewart do that CNN interview and I loved how they accuse him of not being hard hitting enough. Talk about missing the point.

  3. I am extremely impressed along with your writing abilities, Thanks for this great share.