Saturday, 3 April 2010

A Rock n Roll Lifestyle: Is it for you?

What constitutes a Rock n Roll Lifestyle?

I'm sure answers would vary, but you can probably count on
  • Plenty of sex
  • Wads of cash 
  • Loads of booze
  • TV's out of hotel room windows
  • Rolls Royce in the swimming pool
being part of the answer for most people.  I would include 'drugs' on the list but this is the Rock n Roll Lifestyle I'm talking about and not the My IQ is Really Low Lifestyle.

For Liam Gallagher, hailed recently, and hilariously, as rock's greatest frontman, and more realistically a 'knobhead' by unfunny comedian Peter Kay, living a Rock n Roll Lifestyle means releasing your own range of clothing.

Bong Eyed

Asymmetrically faced Liam has struck a deal with shoe manufacturer Clarks, as they are apparently the Godfathers of shoes.  Whatever that means.

With a string of hits, containing lyrics that could have been written by a really rebellious 10 year old, Oasis were the bad boys of Britpop.  They often got drunk and swore at journalists and had a seething feud with fellow Britpop lad's band Blur who adopted a more cheeky approach in opposition to the over the top macho image that Oasis couldn't pull off if they tried. 

It's rumoured that Liam used to write the lyrics all by himself, but Noel, his twin brother, had to rewrite them to make them sound more grown-up.  For example, Liam wrote 'I'm freeee to go to bed whenever I want' which Noel changed slightly and added something about the blues to make them sound more moody and soulful.  

Entering the same arena as Jean-Paul Gaultier and other famous gay men must be intimidating for Liam who reacted violently to suggestions that he might be making handbags as well as council estate chic apparel.  

'Do I look like I make fuckin' handbags' he spat.

No Liam, you look like you should be carrying one.

Releasing a line of clothing is about the least rock n roll thing you can do.  Unless it's like edible g-strings made of Jack Daniels or something.

Now, this guy lives a rock n roll lifestyle.

Say Liam, when was the last time you:
  • Owned a strip club
  • Made a sex tape with 2 porn stars
  • Threw a prostitute against a wall
  • Threatened to beat up Axl Rose
  • Had your own brand of tequila
Oh, that's right, never.

Greatest frontman ever, my ass!


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