Tuesday, 16 March 2010

4 Sexual Positions you haven't tried yet

Subtitle - Or if you have I'm calling the police

The Spider
The female gets on all fours, legs and arms straight with butt poking out as far as possible.  The male climbs on top, at a 90 degree angle, limbs splayed, simulating the 8 legs of a gross hairy spider.  What's unique about this sexual position is that actual penetration is impossible.

The Huddled Fetus
While it has an incredibly disturbing name, this may be the most satisfying for the ladies.  The Huddled Fetus is a direct follow-up to the Angry Pirate mentioned previously in this blog. In essence gentlemen, you get kicked in the balls.

Stroke the Beaver, Smell the Witch
Well, one hand strokes the beaver and you use your nose to smell the witch.  

The Bogwash
Simply put, you do the woman from behind with her head shoved down the toilet.  At the moment of climax, you flush the toilet.  A small variation on this is when your girlfriend or wife has had one sherry too many and she's heaving her guts into the bowl and you ravish her while she's at her lowest ebb.  A word of warning, you have to hold her hair back so it might not be worth the hassle.


  1. Also worth mentioning are:

    - The Spiderman.
    Finishing oneself off by hand and flinging the result into her face mimicing your friendly neighbourhood Spiderman's technique for slinging his... ahem... web.

    - The Angry Dragon.
    Not unlike the Angry Pirate, this variation on the theme see you waiting until the moment of climax while your partner fellates you at which point you smack her hard on the back of her head, causing her to snort pearl jam through her nostrils creating an image reminiscent of the smoke curling out of the nose of those Chinese dragons you see on takeaway menus.

  2. You would have to be very careful indeed during The Angry Dragon, other wise you'll be renaming it The Penitent Eunuch.

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