Subtitle - Or if you have I'm calling the police
The female gets on all fours, legs and arms straight with butt poking out as far as possible. The male climbs on top, at a 90 degree angle, limbs splayed, simulating the 8 legs of a gross hairy spider. What's unique about this sexual position is that actual penetration is impossible.
The Huddled Fetus
While it has an incredibly disturbing name, this may be the most satisfying for the ladies. The Huddled Fetus is a direct follow-up to the Angry Pirate mentioned previously in this blog. In essence gentlemen, you get kicked in the balls.
Stroke the Beaver, Smell the Witch
Well, one hand strokes the beaver and you use your nose to smell the witch.
Simply put, you do the woman from behind with her head shoved down the toilet. At the moment of climax, you flush the toilet. A small variation on this is when your girlfriend or wife has had one sherry too many and she's heaving her guts into the bowl and you ravish her while she's at her lowest ebb. A word of warning, you have to hold her hair back so it might not be worth the hassle.