Saturday, 6 March 2010


You can't move these days without hearing about pirates.  I used to think they were pretty cool, but now I have determined that they are shit.

You think the old style ones are good, with their cutlasses and rum, and Johnny Depp can't even ruin it with his so-bad-its-hilarious 'acting'.  But no, the amount of anal rape that would have been going on just puts me off.

21st century pirates are even worse.  It just a bunch of malnourished Somalians with machetes and non-functional machine guns.

You can tell how shit they are by the fact that you can pay someone to take you on a motherfucking boat with AK-47's and grenade-launchers to murder them.  AND there'll be LOADS of anal rape on board the pirate boats.

Went to a heavy metal festival - pirate themed band
Go to work - some guy phones in speaking like a pirate and not even on purpose
Turn on the news - pirates hijacking a tanker
Go to the theatre - obviously there's a bloody stage-show about them, apparently it's  an 'Escape to a magical world of action, thrills, comedy and fun for everyone'.  There's even an over 18's version.  That'll be where the anal rape is then.

Lastly and predictably, the sexual position.  The Angry Pirate.  According to the instructions you must ejaculate in a girl's eye (or it could be a boy I suppose) and then kick her in the shin really hard.

Let me know if I'm not making that last part clear, or better yet, try it out and view the results from a fair distance.

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